I have already explained that the Nirvana/Enlightenment event takes months or years to digest or come to terms with. In my case there was also a not so small matter of overcoming psychological conditioning in childhood to keep my mouth shut.
This became evident in a dream in which my mouth was packed with fine needles and my tongue nailed to the floor of my ‘mouth’ (i.e., buccal cavity). In this dream i was painfully pulling out the nails, one by one, after spitting out the needles.
I notice that my self-expression is now relatively free; also God tells me i am a ‘free agent’ and can do whatever i like in this world. Perhaps this also touches on having paid off my karma.